If You Feel Like You Have to Do It All by Yourself and Nobody Supports You, Read This
How Unresolved Emotional Wounds Can Manifest as Physical Pain
My client looked at me startled, and surprised, after I asked him where he’s feeling unsupported in life, especially financially.
We’re on a group call and he’s my next volunteer. I’m looking for memories that need releasing, painful memories, the kind that tend to haunt us.
You can probably think of a few of your own, because we all have them.
Most people think memories are fixed and permanent. It’s not true. Our minds have been gifted with neuroplasticity: the ability to change, this includes our memories.
Back to my client. He’s experiencing back pain and his chiropractor informed him he has a severe degenerative condition.
I’ve been helping people release their emotional roots of pain for nearly eleven years. Back pain is a common metaphoric expression for feeling unsupported financially. Often they feel unsupported by family and friends as well, because how we do one thing is how we do everything.
Another common misconception is: pain in the body is separate and removed from the mind. We seek a mechanistic solution to our aches and pains when what we really need is a more holistic approach.
“Pain and other chronic symptoms are physical manifestations of unresolved internal conflict. Symptoms surface as an instinctual mechanism for self-survival. They are messages from the inner self wanting to be heard, but ego takes center-stage, and hides the truth within the shadows of the unconscious mind: which is the body. One purpose of these physical symptoms is to keep the individual focused on his physical body, and away from surfacing emotions.” (Ozanich, 2020, p. 2)
Note the operative word chronic in the above. If you stub your toe, break your leg, or have a car accident and are banged up there isn’t necessarily going to be a memory from the past that alleviates those sensations for you much…
In her handy little book, the late Louise Hay shared this mental cause for low back pain:
“Fear of money. Lack of financial support.” (Hay, 1976, p. 16)
Bearing this in mind, I cut to the chase to find a related memory and we hit the jackpot.
My client recalled a specific experience in college that brought up a Pandora’s box of painful emotions:
Frustration
Failing
Flunking
Stressing
Being yelled at
Numerous “I have to’s”
Thoughts of “I’ll never get anywhere”
To assess the strength of the memory, which I could plainly see on his face, I asked him to rate it on a scale from 1 to 10 (ten being the worst) and he reported back that it was a 45. Even though this memory was something that happened roughly 30 years ago it felt as strong today as it did then.
Soon it became clear that this issue went deeper than feeling unsupported. My client was deeply afraid it was all up to him and he was going to fail, a potent mix of unsupported and not good enough. No wonder his back was yelling at him so angrily.
Repressed emotions will show up in the body at some point in time.
While clearing the memory with Havening Techniques my client had a series of eye-opening revelations.
Somewhere in his life experiences he learned to hold in his emotions and hide how he was feeling (lost, sad, in darkness, so much pressure, can’t breathe, it’s all too much). He had to lock it all away and make sure no one could see it. And to do that, naturally, it meant he ended up doing everything by himself.
This is the self-fulfilling prophecy our unhealed experiences often lead to. Those raw, internal wounds end up creating our own personal Groundhog Day (usually without the happy ending).
I see this with a wide range of issues. Rejection and abandonment. People pleasing. Inability to communicate and create connections. Alcohol overuse. Emotional eating. Procrastination and the inability to follow through and finish projects or reach goals.
My client persisted through the uncomfortable emotions that were revealed and came out the other side. There was a drastic emotional shift that was beautiful to behold.
He realized it’s OK, he can breathe, it’s time to stop hiding and share the load.
And suddenly there was so much laughter. He couldn’t stop laughing! This is common when a heavy emotional burden has been lifted. Each time I see my clients reach this point I’m filled with joy. Freedom is a beautiful sight to behold.
His last words when we finished, “I can’t stop laughing, the tightness is gone, oh God, I feel so good.”
It’s possible and likely there’s some more work to be done here, but we’re off to a very good start.
Do you have a memory that haunts you that you might want to release? Leave a comment and follow me for more shares like this one.