Today Is My 56th Birthday
Here Are 21 Things I Wish I Could Tell My 21 Year Old Self
I celebrated my 21st birthday alone.
At the time I was estranged from my family.
If I could go back in time and give myself a piece of advice for every one of those 21 years this is what I’d tell her (not in any particular order):
1) Nic, don’t assume it’s all about you.
Fact is, it rarely is.
Your parents had challenges; they were basically kids when you came along. Mom was 19, Dad wasn’t much older. They were inexperienced and doing the best they could.
You assumed their fighting and unhappiness was all about you. That you weren’t wanted, good enough, quiet enough, smart enough, and more.
That was your limited, stressed and fearful child mind and it couldn’t conceive of anything else. This way of thinking and seeing the world colored your life for too many years so let’s just nip that in the bud today.
It wasn’t about you, mom and dad had their own challenges, everyone does. You can love them where they are and know that you are enough just the way you are.
Now while you’re doing that you might want to…
2) Learn useful skills.
Yes, you were born enough. And you can be more so I encourage you to impersonate a sponge and take workshops, sign up for classes, get involved in activities. Broaden your horizons.
You might explore …
The power of visualization.
Goal setting.
Using affirmations.
Learning to change the oil in your car yourself.
Self-hypnosis and the power of auto-suggestion.
Meditation.
The benefits of fasting, sauna use, ice baths.
Excel spreadsheets because what gets tracked gets improved.
Habit formation.
The mind, memory, neuroplasticity.
Self-defense.
Building muscle.
And if you feel stressed, overwhelmed or anxious at any point make sure you…
3) Put that credit card down and take a hike!
Once upon a time I had a terrible habit of shopping when I felt stressed, overwhelmed, or down. I wasted a lot of money. Not one single time did it lighten the load.
In fact, the shopping sprees magnified my jittery anxious feelings and added a sinking feeling of regret as a cherry on top. I want something better for you.
Fresh air and nature have a magic way of halting rumination and leading the way to clarity.
That’s all you need, not a new shirt, boots, or any other crap found in a store.
Besides, there’s a better thing to do with your money and that’s…
4) Pay yourself 10% (and don’t touch it).
The first time I saw this phrase I was reading The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, I can still feel the way my forehead crinkled up as I tried to make sense of it.
Paying yourself first is saving for the future today. Start small, even 1% if you have to and keep building until you reach 10%. And here’s something that will really motivate you. Compounding! It’s the eighth wonder of the world.
When you save 10% of every dollar you earn and don’t touch it you will be astonished at how it grows, and while you’re watching that happen…
5) Stop blaming, complaining, and excuse making!
Let me save you some time. When you’re 23 someone will tell you you’re a complete drama queen. It won’t feel good and the thing is, they’re right.
Just stop now, because all that blaming, complaining, and excuse making gives your power away.
Stop doing that and instead start to…
6) Take 100% responsibility for your outcomes.
You’ll love this formula I learned, it is E + R = O
E = EVENTS
Events are what they are. We can’t change them.
R = RESPONSE
This is where our power exists. We can choose how we respond to events.
O = OUTCOMES
If you can’t change an event, that means the only way to influence an outcome is by choosing your response.
If you don’t like the outcome you’re experiencing, choose a different response.
How we respond to events is our choice and our outcomes will vary based on what we are choosing to think, say, or do.
While you’re choosing the best response, make sure you…
7) Take action daily.
No matter how small.
Even if it seems like nothing is happening.
Even when you don’t feel like it.
Because you’ll be creating invisible gains as you do and they will lead to something big, but that won’t happen if you don’t…
8) Stay away from the TV.
I’d love to go back and steal back all the time I traded watching TV so let me give you a suggestion, it’s what I do now: watch TV once a week, make it an event, and spend all the other nights learning, reading, spending quality time with people who matter, or relaxing.
Another great habit to cultivate is to…
9) Meditate daily.
You started meditating when you were 12 after reading a chapter about it in that book by Jack LaLane.
Sadly, you weren’t consistent: on again, off again. You will be happy you made a point of doing this daily, trust me!
Now I know you’re thinking you don’t have time to meditate an hour a day, try just 3-5 minutes. It doesn’t have to be that long.
Besides you want to set aside some time to…
10) Read 10 pages of non-fiction daily.
I know you’ve always been an avid reader - reading fiction is a great escape, a way to jump into adventurers and experience new worlds.
Believe me, I love it too, and I learned how useful reading non-fiction can be as well. There’s so much more to the world, make sure you continue to learn and grow.
Most non-fiction books are about 250 pages. In a year that leads to reading more than 12-13 books. That’s a lot of useful information. Knowing useful information will take you places if you put it to use.
Speaking of those places you will go, an important part of getting there is…
11) Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
You worry about all the things you don’t want to happen. You stay up at night worrying, you don’t ask for things because you think someone might say no, you waste time having imaginary conversations in your head, and so on.
This is an epic time waster, not to mention a negative manifestation process.
Nothing good comes from worrying.
Instead, visualize what you want as if it was here now, every day. Make it clear, compelling, and feel real.
You might be wondering why you should do this? Your mind craves what is familiar and avoids the unfamiliar.
If you want something better in life, make the unfamiliar vividly familiar by visualizing it every day.
Once you’re doing that you’ll be ready to…
12) Stop playing it safe.
You have this tendency to “hide in plain sight.” Stop it!
Raise your hand.
Ask for what you want.
Give your point of view.
It’s far more rewarding to be liked for who you are rather than liked for the person you’re pretending to be.
What you share doesn’t have to be pretty, in fact you can just…
13) Start ugly.
Aiming for perfection is a lie people tell themselves in order to procrastinate, to delay.
It’s also an excuse, and you’re not making those anymore, right?
Start ugly. The start is the worst you’ll ever be. Get feedback and adapt as you go.
Done is better than perfect.
Get stuff done and…
14) Take more risks.
Ask for the raise.
Join the volleyball team or the softball league.
Say yes to a challenge.
Talk to a stranger.
Learn to dance.
Start or join a mastermind group.
I know, the little voice in your head is telling you why it won’t work out, but maybe it’s time you…
15) Stop believing everything you think.
Seriously Nic, some thoughts are simply useless. We all have an inner critic and an inner coach. Filter out the heavy criticisms and seek the voice of possibility and growth. It’s there waiting for you to pay attention.
A quick and easy way you can do that is to just say “stop” or “cancel, cancel” when those thoughts are trying to hold you back.
It works and while you’re at it you can…
16) Seed your thoughts with useful beliefs.
Beliefs are nothing more than thoughts that have been repeated enough times they feel real.
Beliefs are like a hiking trail, traveled over many times, until you can literally see the path.
The thing is, if you changed the path the trail would eventually grow over and you’d create a new one. You can do this with your thoughts as well.
Repeat the beliefs you want over and over again until they become automatic. Each time you repeat a useful belief, you’re planting a seed. Keep doing it and it will sprout. Faster than you can imagine, that thought will be your own.
To learn more about this I recommend you…
17) Read Think and Grow Rich immediately.
And then read it again every year.
You’ll understand why once you start.
Now, Nic, here’s something you really need…
18) Learn to say no.
Stop being such a people pleaser. It’s OK to say no, especially if saying yes takes you away from your goals and values. Especially when saying yes leads to feeling resentment.
Hearing no isn’t fatal for you or anyone else. You can receive a no, and give a no, and you know what? The world will go on. You will not be abandoned.
Now when it comes to receiving a no understand that…
19) No simply means next.
Keep asking.
Ask on a different day.
Ask a different person.
Ask in a different way.
It’s a numbers game. Keep on going. You might like this, consider being an askhole. It’s worth it.
In fact you might want to start with asking yourself what specifically you want and…
20) Set goals for yourself.
Make them specific and measurable. Vague goals lead to vague results.
Don’t bother with New Year Resolutions, by the way, that’s a waste of time. You can set a goal any day of the year, why wait until January 1st anyway? Remember, start ugly: now is always the best time to start.
And last but not least, you’d be surprised at how much you already know and what resources you have inside you. Make sure you…
21) Keep a journal.
Write your good memories down and capture those moments. Read them and smile.
Talk to your inner mentor or coach and find solutions to anything that puzzles and challenges you.
Write an unsent letter to let off steam after a confrontation or argument with someone. Rip it up and dispose of it when you’re done.
You’ll be amazed at what you can discover about yourself with a pen and paper.
Now I can’t really go back and give my 21 year old self all that advice, but it sure would have been useful if I could.
What would you tell your 21 year old self if you could?
Have you thought about what your 70 year old self would tell you?
Such a great inspiring list! Love it!