Why Your Nervous System Keeps Choosing Familiar Pain Over Unknown Peace

Our patterns are outdated solutions to old problems.

Jan 12, 2026

“It’s all I’ve ever known, so it’s familiar.”

That’s the language of an old identity holding on like a rock climber 100 feet into an ascent; white-knuckled, terrified to let go even when the ground is right beneath them.

Sharon had nearly reconsolidated an old medical trauma memory that made trips to the emergency room panic-attack inducing. Just as the change was happening, her nervous system sent up a flare: a twinge in her stomach. The old identity trying to claw back the familiar story.

The Catastrophic Rehearsal

During her recent ER visit, Sharon found herself catastrophizing an already stressful situation, but not on purpose. Your brain is always predicting what will come next based on its own unique variety of M.U.D. (Misguided Unconscious Decisions).

Sharon’s M.U.D. said: “My mom is going to die. My husband is going to die. I will be all alone. I will have a panic attack and no one will be able to help me.”

She made that decision in the emergency room, while a nurse dismissed her symptoms and a doctor waved his hand at her lived experience.

I’m sure you can imagine how the rest of that hospital visit went…

The Identity Protection Question

Back in session, working on that memory, the twinge showed up again. “No, this is all I’ve ever known.”

We paused. I asked Sharon to ask herself: “What identity am I protecting here?”

She connected with the little 5-year-old girl who needed these patterns to survive.

That old story? No different than an outfit she outgrew decades ago.

Recognizing this in real-time was the final piece in reconsolidating that bit of M.U.D. Acknowledging the past while adding new context, that’s what creates lasting change.

Not fighting it. Not forcing it away. Just updating the operating system.

From “Bad Nurse” to “Confused Nurse”

Here’s where it gets interesting.

If I decide someone is “bad” before I even engage with them, that experience is already painted with a certain brush. As Sharon’s M.U.D. washed away through memory releasing, so did this “bad nurse” lens.

“Bad nurse” became “confused nurse” - someone Sharon proceeded to pray for.

This shift was incredibly touching to witness. Not because it was “nice” or “spiritual,” but because it demonstrated a fundamental identity update. Sharon wasn’t forcing forgiveness or performing positivity. Her nervous system genuinely re-categorized the threat.

That’s memory reconsolidation.

The Patterns Aren’t the Problem

They were the solution to an old problem.

This is how it works for each of us.

The version of you who learned to catastrophize, who learned to make herself small, who learned that suffering equals safety? She was doing her best with the information she had.

But that outfit doesn’t fit anymore, does it?

If you recognized yourself in Sharon’s story, the catastrophic rehearsals, the “it’s all I’ve ever known” resistance, the identity that’s been protecting something that no longer needs protection, then you’re ready for Collateral Changes.

This isn’t a webinar. It’s not a training. It’s a live 2-hour memory reconsolidation experience where we work with YOUR specific pattern and update the M.U.D. (Misguided Unconscious Decisions) that’s been running the show.

You’ll experience the same process Sharon did: working on a memory, releasing the emotional charge, creating a new imprint that your nervous system can actually accept (not just positive-think your way into).

I’ve been doing this work since 2018, and here’s what I know: One updated memory creates collateral changes everywhere. That’s not a metaphor. That’s how your nervous system works.

Join me Saturday, January 17th at 10:30 a.m. Mountain Time. Find out more here: Collateral Changes