This is such a clear, compassionate articulation of what so many people feel but can’t name.
I really appreciate how you normalize the loop instead of pathologizing it. Naming M.U.D. and L.A.P. puts language to something I see constantly in high-functioning, capable people who are exhausted from “trying harder” when their nervous system is protecting them based on old information.
The way you describe willpower failing isn’t shaming; it’s relieving. There’s a deep exhale in realizing, “Oh… this isn’t a character flaw. It’s a survival pattern.” And the distinction between memory work alone vs. identity-level rewiring feels especially important. That’s the missing bridge so many people fall off after they’ve done “all the work” and still end up back in the same place.
I also love how grounded this is in real change, letting the nervous system learn something new instead of forcing it to comply.
For anyone who’s been stuck in the loop of insight without integration, this is going to land deeply. I know that the way to the freedom we want is getting the right tools and support. We can let go of trying to do it ALL ourselves and your program sounds like this amazing combination! Thank you for this!
Dear Karthik: I did the surface level stuff for a long time too. We all do. It’s what’s presented. Take this pill. Do this diet. Follow this workout. Create these habits. But the ones we have are the result of who we are. Change the soul-level stuff and those all naturally update.
Great articulation of a perennial paradox for me. I love the way you present the M.U.D & L.A.P. concepts and then move smoothly into a hopeful tone with a powerful proposal for transformative experience embodied in your The Permission Experiment program. Sounds delightful and full of promising potential!! I'm excited to hear how your Experiment goes!!
I'm thrilled to see you pull this together, Nic! This is the reason that affirmation do not work. And you put together a sensitive, supportive cohort. Bravo!!
This really landed for me. You put clear words to something I have felt for a long time but could not explain. The way you describe M.U.D. and L.A.P. helps me see that the struggle is not failure, it is my nervous system trying to stay safe. That shift alone is powerful. I also appreciate how you connect memory work to identity, because real change only lasts when how we see ourselves changes. I know this will help me, and I know it will help many others too. Thank you for sharing.
I want to name something, because work like this can be hard to recognize while you’re inside it. What’s being offered here isn’t self-improvement, but a patient conversation with one’s nervous system; the part of us that learned how to survive before it learned how to choose. If these weeks feel quieter, messier, or less dramatic than expected, that isn’t a setback; it often means something deeper is easing. Old patterns don’t loosen because we push them, but because they begin to feel safe. There’s nothing to get right here; no insight quota, no reward for pushing through. Small shifts matter. Noticing sooner matters. Resting without explanation matters. I have deep respect for spaces that move at the body’s pace instead of the ego’s. That kind of care stays with people.
This is such a clear, compassionate articulation of what so many people feel but can’t name.
I really appreciate how you normalize the loop instead of pathologizing it. Naming M.U.D. and L.A.P. puts language to something I see constantly in high-functioning, capable people who are exhausted from “trying harder” when their nervous system is protecting them based on old information.
The way you describe willpower failing isn’t shaming; it’s relieving. There’s a deep exhale in realizing, “Oh… this isn’t a character flaw. It’s a survival pattern.” And the distinction between memory work alone vs. identity-level rewiring feels especially important. That’s the missing bridge so many people fall off after they’ve done “all the work” and still end up back in the same place.
I also love how grounded this is in real change, letting the nervous system learn something new instead of forcing it to comply.
For anyone who’s been stuck in the loop of insight without integration, this is going to land deeply. I know that the way to the freedom we want is getting the right tools and support. We can let go of trying to do it ALL ourselves and your program sounds like this amazing combination! Thank you for this!
Thank you, Meg. I'm excited to launch The Permission Experiment into the world! I appreciate your comment very much :) my friend.
I read something like this in Psycho-cybernetics snd it is imprinted on my brain now.
Your behavior is unconscious most of the times but it can only be programmed through conscious change.
Every movement, thought, action was once conscious before it became second nature.
None of the hacks worked for me either. I was doing a surface-level shift when I should've been doing a soul-level scrap.
Thanks for this letter, Nicola.
Dear Karthik: I did the surface level stuff for a long time too. We all do. It’s what’s presented. Take this pill. Do this diet. Follow this workout. Create these habits. But the ones we have are the result of who we are. Change the soul-level stuff and those all naturally update.
Psycho-Cybernetics - incredible book!
Hi, how can I know more about the program? Thanks
Hi Fernando, I'm going to message you.
Great articulation of a perennial paradox for me. I love the way you present the M.U.D & L.A.P. concepts and then move smoothly into a hopeful tone with a powerful proposal for transformative experience embodied in your The Permission Experiment program. Sounds delightful and full of promising potential!! I'm excited to hear how your Experiment goes!!
Hi Michael, Thank you! I’m excited for it and look forward to sharing about it in the future. Thank you for reading and commenting my friend.
I'm thrilled to see you pull this together, Nic! This is the reason that affirmation do not work. And you put together a sensitive, supportive cohort. Bravo!!
Thank you, Donna! I can't wait to start :)
Keep me updated Nic!
This really landed for me. You put clear words to something I have felt for a long time but could not explain. The way you describe M.U.D. and L.A.P. helps me see that the struggle is not failure, it is my nervous system trying to stay safe. That shift alone is powerful. I also appreciate how you connect memory work to identity, because real change only lasts when how we see ourselves changes. I know this will help me, and I know it will help many others too. Thank you for sharing.
Earl, thank you. I'm thrilled it landed for you and shared a transformative perspective!
I want to name something, because work like this can be hard to recognize while you’re inside it. What’s being offered here isn’t self-improvement, but a patient conversation with one’s nervous system; the part of us that learned how to survive before it learned how to choose. If these weeks feel quieter, messier, or less dramatic than expected, that isn’t a setback; it often means something deeper is easing. Old patterns don’t loosen because we push them, but because they begin to feel safe. There’s nothing to get right here; no insight quota, no reward for pushing through. Small shifts matter. Noticing sooner matters. Resting without explanation matters. I have deep respect for spaces that move at the body’s pace instead of the ego’s. That kind of care stays with people.
Nicola Vitkovich does amazing work in this space.
Thank you 🙏 you honor me with your comment.
One thing I had to personally learn (over and over) was pushing harder hindered the process. That’s why I named it The Permission Experiment.