Breaking Free from Automated Disappearance
You’ve spent your whole life being “good” - accommodating, understanding, putting everyone else’s needs first. You’re exhausted, but you can’t stop. Every time you try to prioritize yourself, something pulls you back into old patterns of self-erasure. Here’s what’s actually happening: you’ve automated your own disappearance.
And I can help you reverse it.
Who I Am
I’m Nicola, a memory reconsolidation and identity transformation specialist who helps people-pleasers reclaim the time and energy they’ve been spending on others’ emotional comfort.
I help people-pleasers go from unconsciously protecting their identity through familiar suffering to creating prediction errors that rewire their nervous system so they can reclaim the time and energy they’ve been spending on others’ emotional comfort.
My work uses what my mentor Dr. Jade Teta calls the 3Rs approach to create lasting change at the identity level:
Rewrite - We rewrite the stories and change perception by identifying your Misguided Unconscious Decisions (M.U.D.) - the unconscious beliefs that keep you stuck. This is where prediction errors begin.
Rewire - We rewire the emotional holding patterns using your body’s Least Action Pathway (L.A.P.) - the ingrained emotional responses that feel automatic.
Retrain - We retrain your nervous system to incorporate new ways of being, moving from protection mode to authentic expression.
I facilitate this transformation through memory reconsolidation techniques, tapping, Havening, bilateral stimulation, and BRN (Belief Repatterning & Neuroplasticity) sessions - but it’s the 3Rs framework that makes the changes stick.
This isn’t about willpower or positive thinking; it’s about updating the unconscious predictions that keep you trapped in self-erasure patterns.
My Journey Here
I started as a personal trainer over two decades ago, helping people transform their bodies. But I kept noticing something: the real obstacles weren’t about fitness or discipline. They were about identity and unconscious patterns.
My own struggles with panic attacks and anxiety led me to discover tapping and energy psychology in my early 40s. When I found that I could actually rewrite the unconscious programs running my life, everything changed.
I pivoted from physical training to transformation work, becoming certified in FasterEFT, hypnotherapy, and Havening Techniques.
These modalities are powerful - FasterEFT and Havening helps rewrite memories, and Havening releases traumatic encoding in the amygdala. But something was still missing. People would get relief, but the patterns would creep back.
The changes weren’t sticking at the identity level.
The real breakthrough came when I discovered the 3Rs framework. Suddenly I understood: lasting transformation requires all three elements working together in this order - rewriting the stories, rewiring the emotional patterns, AND retraining the nervous system.
That’s how I can finally help people create permanent change, not just temporary relief.
Who This Work Is For
You’re a people-pleaser who’s ready to stop living on autopilot. You might recognize yourself here:
The thought of disappointing people who matter to you feels unbearable
You can’t say no without feeling guilty
You spend more time managing other people’s feelings than honoring your own desires
You’ve automated your own disappearance so completely you barely notice it anymore
Your “niceness” has become a prison, but the thought of changing feels dangerous
You know you’re capable of more, but something invisible keeps pulling you back
You’re tired of familiar suffering and ready for actual freedom
What Makes This Work Different
I don’t teach you how to be a “better” people-pleaser or give you scripts for setting boundaries. Those approaches fail because they don’t address the unconscious predictions keeping you stuck.
Instead, I help you create prediction errors - experiences that contradict your nervous system’s belief that disappearing keeps you safe. When your brain gets evidence that contradicts its old programming, it updates.
That’s memory reconsolidation, and it’s how real transformation happens.
Through my programs and publications, you’ll:
Identify the Misguided Unconscious Decisions (M.U.D.) running your people-pleasing patterns
Learn how you’ve been protecting an outdated identity through familiar suffering
Create prediction errors that rewire your nervous system at the source
Develop what I call “vitality on your own terms” instead of depleting yourself for others
Access your actual desires instead of the desires you think you’re supposed to have
How We Work Together
The Permission Experiment - My signature 3-month group program where people-pleasers learn to give themselves permission to exist fully. Through compound coaching calls, story circles, and BRN classes, you’ll experience the prediction errors that update your unconscious programming.
Collateral Changes Workshops - Monthly sessions (running since 2018) where we work with memory reconsolidation techniques to shift patterns in real time.
De-Hypnotized with Nicola - My main Substack publication where I share the neuroscience and methodology behind breaking free from unconscious patterns.
The Reconsolidation - Daily (Monday through Friday) vulnerable notes from my “next level human self” to younger versions of me, modeling the permission-giving and self-honoring I teach.
What to Expect
My approach is direct, science-backed, and deeply compassionate. I understand people-pleasing from the inside because I’ve lived it. I also understand the neuroscience of why it persists and exactly how to update it.
You won’t find toxic positivity or shame here. You will find:
Clear explanations of what’s actually happening in your nervous system
Practical techniques that create lasting change (not just temporary relief)
A community of recovering people-pleasers who get it
Permission to want what you actually want
The metabolic freedom that comes from no longer managing everyone else’s emotional weather
Let’s Connect
Ready to stop automating your own disappearance?
Start here:
Subscribe to De-Hypnotized with Nicola for weekly insights on memory reconsolidation and transformation
Follow The Reconsolidation for daily vulnerable notes on the journey
Connect with me on YouTube
Join the waitlist for The Permission Experiment
Professional Background
Memory Reconsolidation Specialist
Trained in FasterEFT eutaptics (Level 4)
Certified Havening Techniques Practitioner
Certified Hypnotherapist
Canfield Methodology Trainer
Former Personal Trainer (14+ years)
The life where you matter as much as everyone else isn’t just possible - it’s your birthright once you stop protecting your identity through familiar suffering.
Let’s create some prediction errors together.
